Remembering My Dad

I can't believe it has been 7 years since my dad passed away. Here is what I wrote two weeks after he died.

"My Daddy 12/24/48 - 4/14/04

My daddy died 2 weeks ago, although it seems like it just happened yesterday...

He was only 55 years old and wasn't sick. He didn't deserve to be taken away so soon... We didn't deserve to lose him.

Around 7:30am Wednesday, April 14th, my sister (19) and I (20)were woken up by police banging and yelling at the door. They kept saying "Clarkstown Police, anyone home? We are coming in".

I came up the stairs, from my room in the basement, my sister came down the stairs, and we met the police at the door. They had my dog on a leash and asked "Is this your dog?" We assumed my dog had gotten out or something, and my sister told the police she was going to run upstairs and get my dad...

They asked us if daddy usually wears a green jacket, blue t-shirt, and stone washed jeans. We said yes. They told us that the lady that found our dog, found my father right next to her... and he was deceased.

My dad had a massive heart attack while walking my dog that morning. They said it took seconds for him to pass... they said that even if we were right next to him, we couldn't of saved him. He must of felt dizzy or something while he was out there, because he made his way to the little bus shelter on the sidewalk next to the field him and my dog always go to. He fell headfirst onto the sidewalk and then it was all over.

I was having back pain that night, and I didnt fall asleep until 5:45 am. I heard my dad's alarm go off at 5:30 am, I heard him get up and turn it off... I heard him make his coffee and then sit down on the computer. I wish I would have stayed up... I wish I never fell asleep... little did I know that an hour and a half later, he would be gone from my life forever... I just wish I went upstairs to kiss him, or say hello to him, something. I know he didn't know it was coming... he wouldn't have walked the dog if he felt sick... a little later that day I went onto his computer, and his crossword puzzle was finished... just like he finished it every single morning...

It was cold and raining that morning. I cant get the images out of my head... the thought of him grabbing his chest in pain, falling to the ground... out there alone with the dog, in the cold and the wet. I wonder if he knew he was going... I wonder if he thought about me and my sister... I mean, I know he thought about us all the time, but I wonder if he worried about us... I wonder if he was sad that he was leaving... My mom left us about 2 years ago. She is still in our lives, but it was me, my sis, and my dad living together, happily... we were so close.

He will never see me get married... he will never be able to give me away. He will never experience being a grandfather... and my children will never get to meet the man most important to me... the man I love the most... my dad.

Michael Patrick Moore - December 24, 1948 - April 14, 2004 <3 "